Sandoogans' Log

Insecurities are something that I have dealt with throughout most of my life. I'd like to think most of us have them; some more than others. Maybe I like to think that so I won't feel bad about having them myself. When I was a kid/teen they were probably at their worst. I think the things I didn't like about myself outweighed the few that I did. My insecurities were typical teenager stuff I guess. Weight being one of my biggest concerns. I remember my obsession with weight got so bad at one point that I began to starve myself. My mom had to supervise my meals. If I wanted to go out I had to eat at least half of whatever she put on my plate. I think that period really did a number on my body. I started getting black outs and migraines. Neither went away. My black outs are very sporadic for the most part now but my migraines are frequent. I look back at pictures and wonder what the hell was I thinking. I wasn't the hideous beast I thought I was. I always pray and hope...

This is a simple picture but I love it. It's Emma's second easter but the 1st one she technically participated in. Last year I felt terrible because Sami was pretty much celebrating easter on her own. She was looking for eggs, by herself, and opening up her easter goodies alone. My family doesn't do much for easter anymore since most of the kids aren't really into it. The ones that are seem to go celebrate elsewhere. So, we started celebrating easter at Mr. A's parents house.   This year was super cute! Sami got to celebrate with her little sister and her bestie from the MoVal. It was so exciting seeing Emma and Sami geek out over their baskets and watching them hunt for eggs. Emma seemed to grasp the concept of egg hunting pretty quickly. Truth be told we didn't really hide her eggs, we left them in plain sight for her. Sami and her MoVal bestie enjoyed their egg hunt in Mr. A's parents' backyard. They have tons of plants and trees back there s...

I've wished for this moment since the day I started going to Hawai'i. I had always dreamt of taking my parents to Oahu. I'm fortunate to say that the dream finally became a reality. My parents had never ventured outside of the U.S, or Mexico. Every year it was the same vacay for them: San Juanito. My dad's beloved hometown, I won't lie, it's mine too. My mom was pretty much over it since she's not from that part of Mexico. She was tired of seeing the same scenic route year after year. The only part she looked forward to was seeing family and friends out there. Even then she'd sometimes stay home rather than go on vacation. A couple years ago I was lucky enough to win a pair of tickets to: Ellen's 12 Days of Giveaway! I decided to take my sister (after she agreed to sell her soul to me) to the taping. When it was announced that part of our prizes was a trip to Aulani, I knew then that my dream was about to come true. I think I actually started ...

I had such an amazing time this year for my birthday celebration. I basically did what I wanted to do last year: karaoke, local spot and cheap booze. It was great! I also loved the fact that it was raining all day. Quite the glorious gift from mother nature. Fortunately for me the rain didn't stop my nearest and dearest from coming out to celebrate my born day. We laughed. We sang. We drank. We were merry.  I don't exactly know why, to be honest, but somehow this birthday meat a lot. Perhaps because I expected nothing and felt like I got everything. I appreciated all the rounds, all the gifts and all the memories. Most importantly, I appreciated everyone who showed up. I love you all and felt the love you have for me. Thank you. Cheers to you!

Today was a beautiful day that I was fortunate enough to be a part of. I got to march with thousands of people who believe in immigrant, women's, and LGBTQ; basically human rights. It was peaceful and magical. Getting to the march in itself was an adventure. The metro was jam packed with protesters heading to DTLA for the protest. I went with my sister and one of her friends. We were trying to leave from the Florence station but every single train was full. Some guy name Daniel, we had just met him, suggested we back track a few stations to try and see if we could find an empty train. We ended up going 2 stations down. We got off on Compton and were finally able to hop on a train. Apparently we weren't the only ones with that bright idea because people inside, and outside the train, people were cheering. It was every exciting. When we finally arrived to DTLA everyone started cheering. Everyone was in great spirits. I loved every minute of it. I marched for various reasons, on...

Our joint ornament. I fell in love with it as soon I as saw it, I knew it was perfect given of where we go married. Our first family of four ornament. This makes my heart smile. I love Christmas. I'm sure I've talked about this plenty of times in the past. As soon as December 26th comes around I get a little bummed knowing that we'll soon have to start packing up the Christmas decor. We usually hold out until January 6th for El Dia de los Reyes. In keeping up with  tradition , this year's ornaments are quite special. I still need to get the girls their individual one, but Mr. A and I are content with sharing this year's ornament. This is the first year we got a joint ornament being that it's our first official Christmas as a married couple. We were also pretty stoked about getting our first "family of four" ornament from Hawai'i. Each time we go to Hawai'i we make it a point to get a family ornament with all our names on it. It m...

I normally don't get too much into detail about my feelings or what's going on in my life. Well, let me rephrase that: I normally don't talk about the negative stuff. I might talk about superficial bad stuff but nothing overly personal. Just your basic "life is peachy" facebook bullshit. I'm deciding to open up a bit more about my emotions in hopes that it'll help alleviate my mental state. Lately, for whatever reason, I've been fighting off some really bad anxiety. I'm really not sure what brought it on but I think it was triggered by a car accident I was in about a month ago. I haven't been the same since. I think that combined with school, work, home life and trying to figure out what I want to do career wise, has brought out this beast with a full vengeance. I also think my fear of having anxiety (I'm still kinda of in denial about it) and it triggering depression, again, is only making it worse. I've come to the conclusion that I...