Sandoogans' Log

I normally don't get too much into detail about my feelings or what's going on in my life. Well, let me rephrase that: I normally don't talk about the negative stuff. I might talk about superficial bad stuff but nothing overly personal. Just your basic "life is peachy" facebook bullshit. I'm deciding to open up a bit more about my emotions in hopes that it'll help alleviate my mental state. Lately, for whatever reason, I've been fighting off some really bad anxiety. I'm really not sure what brought it on but I think it was triggered by a car accident I was in about a month ago. I haven't been the same since. I think that combined with school, work, home life and trying to figure out what I want to do career wise, has brought out this beast with a full vengeance. I also think my fear of having anxiety (I'm still kinda of in denial about it) and it triggering depression, again, is only making it worse. I've come to the conclusion that I...

I can't believe I haven't blogged since July! I think this is the farthest I've gone without yapping on here. Not that anyone is missing my grammatically incorrect posts; however, for those who are (mainly my mom) I do apologize. I haven't blogged much mainly because I was either busy or lazy, I'm sure more so the latter. A few things have happened in the last couple of months. Sami has started some new bullshit grade called "transitional kinder" and we couldn't be more pissed about it. A new law came into effect last year in California changing the cut off date from December to September. This, of course, affects Sami. It doesn't matter that we've had her in school since the age of 2 or that she knows all the crap they're teaching her, due to her age, that's where she's at. We plan on fighting this once the school year is done. Mr. Andrade and I try to work with her at home teaching her extra things. His duties are math because m...

Uniform is ready to go. Ready for her big day! She does these poses on her own.  ...and off she goes. I had to hold back my tears.  End of day. Sami looking to see where I was. Me taking pictures. Last week was Sami's first day of pre-k. I can't believe she's already in pre-school! It just seems like yesterday there was a baby rolling around (literally) the living room because she couldn't quite crawl yet. She had to roll to get to wherever she wanted. It was quite cute actually. Sami's first week went as expected. She was excited and I held back tears. I think I would have cried had there not been so many parents around. I would have been a little embarrassed. As I was saying goodbye to Sami, I put my sunglasses on as soon as I felt the waterworks wanting to come. They didn't, thankfully. I drove off feeling sad. It hurt to leave my baby behind. Not literally of course but, you know what I mean. When I picked up Sami she was j...

Today is Sami's last day at her Tot Time class. The class isn't officially over yet but she starts pre-school next week and will no longer be able to attend. She was two weeks shy of finishing the class. She's going to miss the graduation party they make the kids moving on to pre-k. That along with a few other things made me sad. She had been with these kids since she was 2 years old. There is one little girl in particular who loves Sami and always greets her as soon as she walks in. As soon as she sees Sami walk in she'll say, "Hi Samantha!" and Sami will walk over to her and they either walk away holding hands or sit down and begin to play. Sigh, I know this is part of her growing up but jeez how it stings. Kaylee, Sami's little greeter. Sami not looking at the camera as usual.  Snack time. Kaylee telling Sami she has to go to her birthday party. Sami doing the same. Getting ready to go.  I bought the kids cupcakes as a g...

Sami and her little gifts.  I was going through the pictures in my phone seeing which ones needed to be deleted and found this little gem. This is was one of the many flowers my daughter loves to give me. We were out in West Covina that day waiting for our tires to be rotated and in walks in Sami with this little beauty. I thought it was very sweet. I loved the colors. I immediately gave her a hug and a kiss and she happily skipped away to go outside with her dad. Seeing this pictures makes me a little sad. My baby is growing up. I know it's part of life but it fucken hurts. Soon my baby will be starting pre-school and before I know it Jr. High (or middle school as it's called now, I just hate to do so) and high school. Then she will hate me and I will probably hate her, through that period. Of course, not, literally hate each other but the whole teenage and parent war that goes on in that age. Sometimes I wonder if I'll get lucky and she'll be a good teen. ...

On her way to school. Getting ready to go Trick or Treating around the park. The kids during playtime. Sami with her fellow Tinkerbell classmate. The two Tinkerbells were besties by the end of the day. Sami came to visit me at work on Halloween day. I loved it! This year finding a costume for Sami was a little more difficult than the previous ones. The main reason being is Miss Sami now tells us what she likes and doesn't like. She had first said she wanted to be a pirate . So we were pretty stoked with the idea. Then, she said she wanted to be a princess. The very thought of this would make me cringe. I know that's not stereotypical in mothers since most mother prefer their daughters to be girly. Not this mom. I pride myself when my daughter does stuff out of the norm. So when she said she wanted to be pirate, I couldn't be happier! Unfortunately, it was short lived. We flip flopped like this for most of late September and early October. In the end Sami was neither ...

This week marks Sami's second week of school. She has moved on from  Tiny Two's  on to Tot Time. Being that she is 3 now she had to move up. This class ranges from 3-5 year old. I was a little nervous about at it so I decided to take the day off from work to take her to school. To my surprise the new class was jammed packed. One of the mom's from Sami's previous class told me they apparently cancelled the Monday & Wednesday class (the kid's go to school twice a week) and put all the kids in the am and pm Tuesday & Thursday classes. I didn't worry about it too much because sadly after awhile, parents stop taking their kids to school. Not sure if it's because their jobs get in the way or no transportation. Whatever the reason is the classes will drastically shrink by the time they're done.  The new teachers seemed nice with the exception of 2. Since it's such a large class they had about 5 teachers in ...

It was a safari party. Sami lost her mask and had to make a new one. It was Ms.Victoria's birthday. One of the mom's surprised her with a cake She's great with the kids.  One of Sam's classmates. I don't think she minded not going to Raging Waters too much. Last week Sami officially finished her Tiny Twos summer school. She loved it! They had a little party for the kids and one of the mother's surprised the teacher with a birthday cake. I wish I would have known it was her birthday I would have gotten her a little something myself. My mom and sister said Sami had a great time her last day. I wish I could have been there. At least I was able to be there via the pictures they would send via text. I, of course, was stuck at work. I don't like thinking about it because it bums me out. More and more reason to work towards my goals. Anway, Thursday the Tiny Twos crew had a field trip to Raging Waters. I'm not sure if all the ki...

Yesterday was Sami's first day of school. I was a bit nervous and excited about it. She had been asking to go to school for quite sometime and being that she is still a toddler, it was a bit difficult finding one that would accept her. We finally found one near our home so it worked out nicely. I was a little scared when I walked Sam to class. I knew she'd like it but I wondered how'd she behave. Her Nina (my sister) also came along for Sam's special day. We were both eager to see how'd she react. As expected Sam behaved quite well. She interacted well with the kids and for the most part, listened to her teacher. There was a couple of times she had a hissy fit because she wanted to play and it wasn't play time. I was a little frustrated with that because I didn't know what to do. I had to take her outside a few times to scold her AND explain to her that it wasn't playtime. Other than that she was good. She didn't want to leave and kept saying she...